I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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