i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
