Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
