Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
