so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
