i don't like sucking hair
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
