me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
