Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
