I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
