Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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