I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
