You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The Olympian is in my bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
