dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
