I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
