I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're too hungover to prance.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
