1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
