i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
