We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
