My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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