I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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