Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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