I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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