I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
