ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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