I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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