So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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