walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
