And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
