He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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