My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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