im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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