my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize