i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
