I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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