There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
