direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
