dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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