Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
