i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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