My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This baby is an asshole
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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