If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
