At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
me + whiskey = a bad person
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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