so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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