just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize