Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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