im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
