Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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