i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
