dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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