Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
