Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
