I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
