im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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