I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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