when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
sex in a hospital.. check
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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