You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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