You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
