My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
