He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
