Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cut my penus on the lid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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