I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize