Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
