Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
