Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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