Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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