names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize