His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
