I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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