she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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