Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
