Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
