On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
