so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
