using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
