maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
