What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
