So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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