So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize