Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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