Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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