The maid of honor just puked.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best revenge is premature balding
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
