idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
