There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
