I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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