i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
