she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
