I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
