so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
