Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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