Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
