How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
