Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
