I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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