but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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