Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
