Umm I'm too high to move.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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