____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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