HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize