sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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