just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
