can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
