Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
