Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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