I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize