My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want her autograph on my taint
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
