After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
