I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
