Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
