i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
