i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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