Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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